Why a midlife crisis can lead to rebirth and perhaps even greatness

Tapestry47:42Midlife

When Andrew Jamieson reached midlife, midlife hit back hard.

The London-based classical musician and concert promoter had his third child in his late 40s. He described it as "a great treat" but found it was far more taxing compared to raising his first two kids.

"One day when I was 49, I just couldn't get out of bed. And this remained, to begin with, a physical thing. And then it sort of morphed into a kind of inert depression," he told Tapestry's Mary Hynes.

Jamieson made it through this period of depression, but not without a lot of help from his loved ones, and therapy with Gerhard and Hella Adler, disciples of influential psychoanalyst Carl Jung.

"We had a phone call every day, as I kind of lay in a fetal position in bed," he recalled.

Jamieson underwent a personal transformation spurred by his midlife crisis; after three months of therapy he trained to become a therapist in his own right. In 2022 he released his book Midlife: Humanity's Secret Weapon.

He argues that a midlife crisis can be much more than a disorienting period in one's life; in fact, it may be a desperately needed stage in an individual's evolution, leading to a rebirth of sorts.

But why are people's midlife years typically the range between your 40s and 60s often treated with derision and mockery?

"Well, I think, probably because vulnerability and frailty are not qualities that our culture reveres. We're a very ego-driven society in the West. And if we behave in a very strange and unexpected way, people are rather frightened of that," he said.

"But [when] we break down, it can so often lead to breakthrough."

In his interview with Hynes, Jamieson points to some of history's notable people who went through traumatic periods in their lives, only to come out of it stronger.

One of the most notable examples, he said, was composer Ludwig van Beethoven, who in his early 30s learned he was slowly going deaf.

"He had a tremendous sense of ambition. He was absolutely sure of his mission, that he was going to achieve these extraordinary things. And the whole purpose of life was suddenly under attack," said Jamieson.

He fell into a period of deep depression, including writing a suicide note to his brothers, which he never sent or followed up on. But in time, he recovered, and went on to write his greatest musical works, including Symphony No. 3.

"So there's an example of an extraordinarily cultural leap forward because of this man surviving his midlife crisis and putting what he learned into it into his brilliant creative genius," he said.

Midlife awakening

Casey Tygrett is a spiritual director and author of The Gift of Restlessness: A Spirituality for Unsettled Seasons. In his book, Tygrett explores the idea that restlessness, or the times when we may feel "stuck" in our lives, can be "normal, healthy, and even holy." He sees "significant overlap" between this concept and the challenges many face in midlife.

"We can't go back to the body we had in our 20s, the career aspirations we had in our 30s, or even in some cases the relational health we had in any of the previous stages of life," he said.

"The realization that we cannot go back also forces us to consider a mysterious and often unclear future."

But according to Lisa Murphy, a life coach and entrepreneur based in Toronto, you might not need to hit a critical crisis point in order to make an important change in your life.

"I'm not sure that it's necessary to have a crisis to, you know, push you into doing greater things," she said.

In fact, she offered that many go through a "midlife awakening," rather than a crisis.

Murphy, a digital content consultant and former journalist left her job in 2019. It started her on the path of her own midlife awakening.

"I was feeling a little bit like I was on an autopilot loop.... Just kind of like, working, parenting, socializing, and then starting the whole thing again," she said.

"I definitely didn't know what I wanted to do next, but I knew that I wanted a change."

In 2020, she trained to become a certified life coach. She also launched the 50 Forward Club on Instagram, which helps connect and advise women in their midlife years looking for a change, whether it be a new career, hobby or something else.

Murphy's awakening wasn't without major hurdles, either, as it also involved giving up alcohol. With the help of her family doctor, she's been sober for a little over seven months now.

"I kind of realized that whenever I was drinking, I just didn't feel good about it," she said

But while the path to sobriety has been difficult, she doesn't think the difficulty made it more meaningful in and of itself.

"I think the most meaningful thing is the decision to do it and then, like, consistently following up. But making the decision is often the hardest part, right?"

Julia Bueno, a U.K. based psychotherapist and author of Everyone's a Critic, adds that not everyone has the means and supports to make it through a severe midlife crisis.

"Not everybody can afford therapy. Not everyone can afford time to kind of reflect on their crisis, and what it means and make choices," she said.

"Some people just have to grit their teeth and keep on earning and supporting. And they can't afford to retire early or to give everything up and set up a new business."

And while she's encouraged by stories, especially of women, finding new directions in their midlife years, Bueno is careful not to push people towards that path if something less radical works better for them.

"I notice, and wonder ... whether there's any space left for women to just grow old gracefully and maybe not reinvent themselves. Maybe they just want to slow down [after] they've done 30-plus years of work. Maybe they just want to retire at 60 or work two days a week."

The acorn that blooms

Whether or not someone needs to be pushed to a breaking point to reach a rebirth, Jamieson believes we need to adapt and change according to our lives' changing circumstances which often come to a head in our midlife years.

He pointed to advice by Jung that you can't live your life's afternoon according to the rules you followed during its morning years.

"We're here for a very short time. I mean, we're given these few decades of consciousness, as a kind of gift from the cosmos. We do not want to be behaving in the same way in our 20s as we [do] in our 60s and 70s. We need to mature. We need to develop," he said.

"We're all like acorns with incredible potentialities."