Dear Diary: Why COVID-19 is changing how this Calgarian pictures her future

CBCCalgarywants to knowhow you are living these days. What are you doing differently? What makes you laugh? Cry? Scream? Have you started a new hobby? Let us know.

In this instalment of our series, Dear Diary: In a Time of COVID-19,Maria Gmez reflects on what it's like to be graduating university in the midst of a pandemic.

This submission has been edited for clarity and length.

So, this is definitely not how I expected to be finishing up my undergraduate studies, at all.

At first everything was really confusing, and there was a lot of uncertainty about what would happen and what the next steps were.

At the beginning of the year I sat down with my mom and set out a plan for what my last year of university was going to look like. I set big goals and big expectations and, basically for the first time in my life, there was a real possibility for me to actually achieve those goals.

Only a few months later, I nowfind myself back in that uncertainty of wondering what exactly I am going to do with my life.

I'm turning 24 later this year, and I often tend to compare myself with my peers and feel as if I'm somehow behind on life, like I haven't done or achieved as much as them.

I'm only threemonths away from graduating with a bachelor's degree in East Asian Studies, and it feels like this whole situation has put a big wedge in my confidence and my future goals.

I consider both of my parents to be very intelligent people, they both hold master's degrees, and as a first-generation immigrant, I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed and feel like I am making both of them proud. They left everything behind so I could have all the resources I needed to fulfill my goals, so being stuck in this in-between stage of not knowing what the next step is feels very daunting to me.

Despite these anxieties, I have learned to take everything one step at a time.

I cannot control what happens, but I can control my response to the situation.

Recently, I decided that I needed to reinvent my space. I Marie Kondo-ed my entire bedroom and got rid of a lot of things that were weighing me down, literally and figuratively. I created a small desk space where I could sit down and concentrate when I needed to do work, and I stick to a daily routine so I have consistency.

I don't know what I'll be doing or where I'll be by the end of 2020, but what I do know is that everything will be OK.

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