Hamilton's weirdest crime stories of 2016

Don't shake your head too hard while reading these, you'llhurt your neck.

• Hamilton's strangest crime stories of 2015
• Hamilton's weirdest crime stories of 2014

In the spirit of looking back on the year that was, CBC Hamilton has compiled a list of some of the weirdest crime stories in the city in 2016. Have a read, and marvel at some of the things that actually happened this year.

$50,000 worth of honeydew melons stolen on New Year's Eve

OK, OK, we know we're fudging this one because technically it happened in the dying hours of 2015, but it's too bizarre not to share.

Last New Year's Eve, someone made off with a 16-metre tractor-trailer filled with honeydew melons from a parking compound. The fruit was supposed to go to local grocery stores.

Hamilton Police Staff Sgt. Mike Webber said it was the first melon caper he'd ever heard of, adding they'd be harder to track than electronics.

"There's no serial numbers on the melons," he said.

Teen uses breakfast as a weapon

Last year we had a fish assault, and this year, someone used bacon and eggs as a weapon.

In February, a Hamilton teen ended up getting charged with assault after he struck someone at his table with his breakfast in an east end restaurant.

"The weapon was in fact the food, and the intent was to cause injury or harm," Police Const. Steve Welton said at the time. "It was not accidental in nature and officers investigated with evidence to support the charges."

Under Section 267 of the Canadian Criminal Code, a weapon in a case of assault is defined as "any thing used, designed to be used or intended for use in causing death or injury to any person, or for the purpose of threatening or intimidating any person."

Seems that includes bacon.

Cop asks for licence, Hamilton man shows Costco card

Impaired driving isn't funny but you do have to marvel at this guy.

Police in Kingston were investigating back in September after a pickup truck crashed into a car while parking and the driver then stumbled away from the scene, using nearby walls for support.

Police found the man, and asked him for his driver's licence. He first pulled a Costco card from his wallet, then his firearms licence, and then finally, the right ID.

The Hamilton man was charged with impaired driving.

34 birds stolen from Ancaster home

We'll never understand why someone would steal a person's pet to begin with, but birds? And 34 of them?

This one happened back in November. Police say that someone broke into a shed and stole an assortment of finches.

Twelve of them were forbes tricolour parrot finches, which police say are very rare.

Drunk man thinks cop car is taxi, demands ride home

File this one under just a really, really poor idea.

This happened in Brantford in October, when a guy staggered towards a parked police cruiser, opened the door and got in the back seat.

The officer spoke to the man, who thought he was in a taxi, and demanded a ride home.

Police say they "attempted to locate a sober person to take the man to," but had no luck.

Instead, he spent the night in the drunk tank.

Niagara man charged with impaired driving on his lawn mower

It's still impaired driving, even if you're on something that only has a top speed of 5 km/h.

This one came back in May, when a 34-year-old was charged with impaired operation of a motor vehicle.

Niagara Regional Police said they had received several complaints regarding a man driving his lawn mower through a rural area.