Health-care providers hit hard by grief as COVID-19 numbers continue to climb

A senior nurse in Winnipeg says she is battle-weary and saddened by the amount of suffering and death she has seen caring for patients with COVID-19.

"I am angry, I am grieving and I don't know how much longer I can carry on," she said, breaking down in tears.

CBC is calling her "Karen," but is not disclosing her identity, because shefears reprisal and disciplinary action for speaking out.

"Watching people suffer and watching people die alone, it has an impact on you," said the nurse, who primarily works in intensive care.

"Seeing the fear in people's eyes in the cubicle because they know they have COVID and they know they could die, and I can't be close to them to comfort them it is such a heavy emotional toll."

In manyinstances now, health-care professionals have becomea stand-in for family members whoaren't allowed to be with adying loved onebecause of COVID restrictions.

The connections health-care providers would normally make with familieshelping them fill in the gaps about a patient, or being there for emotionalsupport and comfort sometimes aren't possible now, which puts the providersat a higher risk for grief, according to a Manitoba palliative care physician.

"Those connections with patients and families are really important in helping us through our own grief in the long run. We don't have the ability to make those connections with COVID," said Dr. Cornelius Woelk, who works at theBoundary Trails Health Centre, which serves the Winkler and Morden area.

He adds it is harder to make those connections now that everyone is required to wear personal protective equipment.

"We are talking to people about very serious things through masks. And so you go home and worry you really haven't made it clear to someone, or that you haven't connected with them thoroughly enough because of all the PPE," Woelk said.

'I don't want to go to work'

Karen says shesees what plays out in intensive care unitsspilling over into her personallife.

When she's getting ready toreturn to work after her days off, she is anxious, wondering what has changed, how many patients she will have to take care of and whether she'll be able to handle her workload, she says.

"You wake up in the middle of the night and think, 'What is the day going to bring? Am I going to be able to handle it?'

"Then Iwake up in the morning andI think, 'I have to go to work. I don'twant to go to work. I am scared.' Sometimes I cry on the way to work because it is so overwhelming."

If we don't somehow process the losses that we have in our lifethey will come back to haunt us at some other time."- Dr. Cornelius Woelk

She'safraid of getting sick andbringing home the virus to her loved ones, but shedoesn't talk about it with them.She doesn't want to burden them.

Her religious faithanchors her, she says, and she prays forprotection and for the patient she is caring for.

She also sees a counsellor for support, has a closefriend who's a retired nurse, and findssolace inher pets and baking.

But Karenadmits she is terrible at self-care.

New resourcefor health-care workers

That's not an uncommon theme among health-care providers, according tothe Canadian Virtual Hospicean international online resource based out of Winnipeg that offers supportand home-based resources for working through grief.

The hospicerecently launched a module through its website that addresses what many health-care workers are grappling with during the pandemic grief they experience thatis largely unacknowledgedand unsupported.

"There is a reluctance to talk about work-related grief and a tendency to push it down and turn it away," said Shelly Cory, the executive director of Canadian Virtual Hospice.

"COVID is bringing that into sharper focus, and howthat needs to change."

Cory said there's beenphenomenal response to the module, whichwas fast-tracked and launched two weeks ago, and has been accessed bymore than 1,500 people so far.

"The new module normalizes the fact that people working in health care are grieving, they are experiencing this heaviness, they are experiencing this sorrow. And it also gives them ways to cope with this grief," said Cory.

Woelk welcomes the resource. He knows if given the help, there is a fair amount of resiliency in the health-care field.He hopes more reach out.

"Grief comes back to haunt us," he said."If we don't somehow process the losses that we have in our life, whatever they are, they will come back to haunt us at some other time."