Real Talk on Race: How transracial adoptees find their identity

Real Talk on Raceis CBC Montreal's special series exploring personal conversations and experiences around race in the city.

For adoptees Kassaye MacDonald and Manuelle Alix-Surprenant, growing up in Quebec was a happy experience.

But as transracial adoptees MacDonald was born in Ethiopia and Alix-Surprenant in South Korea coming of agein white families and predominantly white neighbourhoods made for a complex relationship with their racial identity.

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"When I was a kid, I didn't even realize it was a transracial adoption,"Alix-Surprenantsaid of growing up inSaint-Jean-sur-Richelieu.

"I always considered myself as a white kid."

For MacDonald, the realization that she was a different race from her parents hit her when her familyventured outsidethe "homogeneous white environment" of her small Eastern Township community.

"It was only when I was around people that looked like me, that's when it came back to me, like 'Oh yeah, I'm black, I'm not white.'"

I didn't even realize it was a transracial adoption. I always considered myself as a white kid...- Manuelle Alix-Surprenant

Alix-Surprenant recalls a similar moment of recognition when she moved to Montreal at 16 years old.

"I remember walking down the streets in Montreal for the very first time when I was a teenager and meeting Asian people and they would nod to me," she said.

"This is when I started realizing that I was something else than white."

Despite happy childhoods and supportive parents, MacDonald and Alix-Surprenant increasingly feltan integral part of themselves was missing.

"I'd feel this sadness, like why can't I be around people that look like me?" MacDonald said.

'A sense of loss'

MacDonald and Alix-Surprenant's desire to reconnect with their roots grew stronger, eventually leading both women back to their countries of birth.

"One day in my early twenties, I woke up and I didn'twant to go back to South Korea I needed to go back to South Korea. It was a really strong feeling and I had to do it," Alix-Surprenant recalled.

But Alix-Surprenant said leavingher adoptive family to find her birth family felt like a"loyalty conflict" a feeling shared by MacDonald.

I'd feel this sadness, like why can't I be around people that look like me?- Kassaye MacDonald

"Sometimes we have very mixed feelings in the sense that we love our families but we also feel a sense of loss too," MacDonald said.

"We don't really want to express that to our adoptive families, because we don't want to hurt them."

Despite that, MacDonald said her adoptive parents understood her desire to be around people who looked more like her and shared her birth culture.

"They realized that it wasn't about them.I wasn't mad at them."

'Love is not enough'

But MacDonald and Alix-Surprenant maintainthat transracial adoptees needmore than supportive parents.

"Love is not enough," Alix-Surprenant said.

After returning from a trip to South Korea, Alix-Surprenant searched for a space to reconnect with other international adoptees a space that didn't exist.

"In 2006, I couldn't find anything for adoptees in Quebec.The only thing I could find was aboutadoptive parents. I told myself, if it doesn't exist, I'll create it," Alix-Surprenant said.

Radio Noon Montreal40:39Real talk on trans-racial adoption

Kassaye MacDonald was born in Ethiopia, and grew up in the Eastern Townships, after being adopted by white parents. Manuelle Alix-Surprenant was born in South Korea, and was adopted by white parents in St-Jean sur Richelieu. They talk to Shawn about their

And so began L'Hybrid, an organization that brings together international adopteesto talk about their experiences, allowing them to ask questions they don't feel comfortable asking their adoptive parents. It also providessupport for those seeking their birth parents.

Similarly, MacDonaldco-founded Ethiopian Adoptees of the Diaspora, which brings together Ethiopian adoptees like herself.

"Sometimes what happens is that adoptive parents really like to talk about their childrens' stories, but I believe that it's up to the child to actually define and articulate his or her own experience," she said.

MacDonaldand Alix-Surprenant alsonoted a tendency for adoptive parents to assert their colour-blindness.

"If you're bringing in a child of a different race in a community that's homogeneous, you really need to go the extra mile to make sure that they have access to people wholook like them," MacDonald said.

'Need to have racial mirrors'

That advice wasechoed by Kathy Murphy with Children's Bridge, an Ottawa-based adoption agency.

"If you are adopting transracially, [it's] so important for you to understand that your child will need to have racial mirrors," said Murphy.

"They need mentors from their racial and cultural community in their lives.They need to be going to diverse schools, living in diverse neighbourhoods.They should not be the only child of [a] minority [group] in their classroom, in their school."

Looking back on her childhood, MacDonaldnowrecognizes the importance of havingaccess to "racial mirrors."

"Seeing people that look like you who are successful, that do a lot of different things it gives you this confidence," she said.

Despite their reservations, neither adoptees are against transracial adoption. But theystress that would-be parents must do their homework.

MacDonald, Alix-Surprenant and Murphy all agree there is one great place to start.

"One of the important voices to hear is the voice of the adoptees that have gone before us," Murphy said.