Death notice: How the police break the tragic news of a fatal collision

"They are hysterical, they're breaking down, they're crying. But you could be crying"

I've never heard a police officer talk about crying before.

I'm interviewing Const. Ken Milks of the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary. Milks' specialty has beenaccident investigations.

When a crash happened,he would get a call.

And if that crash resulted in a fatality, he was the one who broke the news to the victim's family.

"There's hugs, there's holding, there's fear, there's telling me to get out of the place," said Milks.

"All the different things that can happen when you go and tell somebody this."

The door knock

It's a scene we've all seen in countless movies and TV shows: the knock. A person opening the door to see a grim-faced police officer. The sad news. The screams and tears.

One of the most common questions I get is, did they suffer?-Const. Karen Didham

But there is a small group of people who have experienced this terrible moment without the comforting frame of a television screen.

People who have heard that knock on their own door, whohave had family members ripped away by a car crash.

And then, there is an even smaller group of people charged with bringing the news to those family members. Police officers like Ken Milks.

They too experience the horror of death notices firsthand, but they have to relive the experience over and over again.

The numbers

In 2015, there were 13 fatalities in the partsof Newfoundland and Labradorpoliced by the RNC. In RCMP jurisdictions, there were 34 fatalities.

That's 47 people who died in car crashes in Newfoundland and Labrador in a single year.

Each time, another police officer paida sad visit to another family.

At the RNC, this responsibility is shared by only a small handful of officers who work in Traffic Services.

"Driven"

In an effort to bring more public attention to the issue of dangerous driving, CBC Newfoundland and Labradoris launching a series of stories called "Driven." We'll be telling them on TV, radio and online.

Its aim is to produce programming that changes the way we think about driving and the decisions we make when we get behind the wheel.

For our first story, I interviewed three RNC officers who worked in Traffic Services, have investigated fatal collisions and have delivered death notices to victim's families.

They spoke about how the news affects those families, and about how delivering it affects them personally.

Over the years, I've interviewed many police officers about many traffic fatalities, and though we all try to do our jobs with care and compassion, those interviews are typical very formal, sometimes stilted, even impersonal.

This time was different.

This time, the officers truly opened up and gave me a glimpse of the human being behind the badge.

Accident investigators

Sgt. Paul Didham is the officer in charge of RNC Traffic Services.

"I've been the person on the other side of the door when I've rang the doorbell, and I can see the expression on people's faces when I walk in," he said.

" A lot of times people are saying, you're not here to bring me good news. And you know what, we're not."

Didham says it's a job that never gets easier.

"Many times I've rolled into a driveway and I sit in the car for five minutes before I go in," he said.

"And I sit and I think to myself, I run through how I hope this will happen. Rarely does it happen that way because when you go in, you don't know who you're going to be talking with.It could be someone's spouse, it could be someone's child that you have to break this news to."

'Did they suffer?'

Const. Karen Didham is a collision analyst. She has almost 22 years in policing, and almost 12 in accident investigations.

"One of the most common questions I get is, did they suffer," Didham said.

"And I have to tell sometimes them the truth and say, you know what, they were alive at the scene and unfortunately they passed away on the way to the hospital or they died at the hospital.Other times, if it's a death where the death occurred at the scene, then thankfully we know they didn't suffer."

"Also, when we're sharing the information, it's important for them to know if somebody else was involved. I think there's a different level of acceptance if the injury or the loss of a life is at the hands or the actions of someone else, as opposed to something they did themselves. And that's really important for a family to be able to understand."

Both officers say they have spoken to counsellors after working on fatality cases.

"Any type of emergency responder, whether it be the police, fire department, tow truck operators, ambulance, anybody that's involved in these types of situations, it's traumatic for them," said Paul Didham.

'It's hard on your family life'

Const. Ken Milks worked as an accident investigator with the Ontario Provincial Police before joining the RNC in 2003. He worked in RNC Traffic Services for many years, but recently transferred to the Community Services division.

Anybody that's involved in these types of situations, it's traumatic for them.- Const. Karen Didham

"I've taken a break from doing accidents, because it got to the point where it was a little bit overwhelming. It's hard on your family life. It's hard because they don't understand what you're feeling. The kids say, what's wrong with Dad? Why is Dad so sad? And that's really hard."

Milks has moved onto a posting that is, in many ways, the opposite of his previous job.

Instead of investigating car crashes, Milks now tries to prevent them from happening in the first place.

'Now everything is positive'

"What day is it?" Milks asks a classroom of Grade 6 students.

"DARE DAY!" the kids shout back in unison.

Milks is at Macdonald Drive Junior High, where students are taking part in the DARE program. Visiting schools and teaching the program is part of Milks' new job with the RNC's Community Services division.

The program is about teaching good decision-making skills to help young people lead healthy lives.

Milks brings his experience working in traffic to the role, and talks a lot about safe driving.

"Now, instead of everything being negative, negative, negative, now everything is positive," Milks said.

"Now, if I can help people so they don't make bad decisions in life, when it comes to driving especially, then maybe people won't have to go through all the things that I've had to go through in dealing with this fatality stuff.

"Because it affects a lot of people."