Ghosting, vaccine status, changing first meets: That's dating during COVID-19

Nowmore than a year into the pandemic, CBC Ottawa is looking at how people are adaptingto new realitieswith its series The Slow Return.

Catherine Aquilinabegan actively looking for a long-term partner in the fall of 2019 only to have her dating world turned upside down a few months later.

"At the beginning, it was a lot of learning to date again," said Aquilina who isfrom Milton, Ont."There [were] a lot more obstacles post-COVID."

Though she's the type to prefer in-person interactions, Aquilina soon found herself spending a lot of time online, streaming and texting more often than not.

She's one of many who navigated the dating worldat a time of lockdowns and unprecedented public health restrictions a world, according to experts, that has evolved and will stay that way for the foreseeable future.

"I think the biggest challenge, in any dating scenario, is finding somebody that you're aligned with," she said. "The restrictions with COVID justadds another layer of checklist points."

"Pre-screening," as she calls it, became a normal part of her process. She noted another major change: "superficial checklist items ... fallby the wayside."

Single people as a whole felt lonelier than ever.- Karen Strang Allen, Ottawa love coach

Her biggest takeaway, though, was the pandemic forced her to slow down.

"With restrictions and lockdowns, there's a lot of times you spendalone and I think that's highly underrated," she said. Aquilina found her match this summer, and says she's over the moon.

"Both my boyfriend and I took some time on our own, before meeting one another ... that was absolutely instrumental I think in getting to know ourselves," she said. "A lot of singlesskipped that part. I think that if neither one of us had taken that break, we wouldn't have met."

'Less accountability' during COVID dating

Ottawa photographer Val Miles, who specializes in professionalphotos for people's dating profiles, says she's had an uptick in clients during the pandemic.

"[My business]definitely has gone up in interest because of COVID.I think more than ever, it was important to have a dating profile that stands out, with good photos that accurately represent [you]," said Miles.

She said clients have told her the biggest changeis people are taking a longer time before meeting, and are more likely to ghost (suddenly ignoring someone they've been talking to) and move onto another person more quickly.

"[It's] almost like there's less accountability," she said.

More respect for personal space

Karen Strang Allen, a dating coach for single women in Ottawa, said most of her clients have been frustrated to be forced online, and some even pulled out of the dating world entirely to wait until the pandemic is over.

"There are many people who resist ... but there was pretty much no choice in 2020," she said. "Single people as a whole felt lonelier than ever."

Allen says a lot of changes in the dating world haveactually been positive.

For instance, the nervousness around boundaries has created what she describes as more respect for people's personal space, and less rush and push toward physicality.

"I personally believe that's a good thing ... At what point do you kiss or have sex? It actually slows that down a bit, which is good because people need time to know each other."

Also,first dates have largely shifted to more outdoor walking dates.

"When we go to a restaurant with somebody, I think sometimesit feels like a date-date ...Whereas awalk, it feels more casual, something you do with a friend," she said. "I see it continuing. I see that a lot of people are still choosing a walk date as a first date."

Allen said nowadays, the general hesitancy among singles has levelled out and people starting to swing back to normal dating patterns like meeting at coffee shops and restaurants.

"But I wouldn't call it a new normal because there still are people who aren't comfortable. I have many clients who are still not going back to normal dating yet."

Renewed energy, and vaccine status

Matchmaker Terran Shea, who founded Mutual Match and has clients in Ottawa, Montreal and Toronto, says sheseessingles becoming more focusedand serious about finding a life partner than before the pandemic.

"I think there's a lot ofexcitement right now and a lot of renewed energy when it comes to dating," she said."Now's a good time to date. It's different from six months ago."

The added layer of vaccination status has changed how dating operates, Shea said, and she encourages her clients to always be straightforward and upfront about their status and what they're looking for in their partner.

"It can be awkward," she said. "If you are someone who is vaccinated and only willing to date someone who is vaccinated, I think you have to be upfront about that. If you're not vaccinated, it's probably something that has to come up in conversation."