Man who lost wife, son in mass stabbing feels mixed emotions about new home on James Smith Cree Nation

WARNING: This story contains distressing details.

Brian (Buggy)Burns is grateful for his new home on James Smith Cree Nation, but the move is not withoutcomplicated feelings of pain and loss.

"It's full of mixed emotions," Burns said, taking a short break as he hauled furniture inside.

He'shaunted by what happened in his old home, which is not far from his new place.His old home is where his 48-year-old wifeBonnieand his 28-year-old son Gregorywere stabbed to deathin a murderous rampage last year.Burns's14-year-old son was also attacked, but survived.

Burns and his family have been living in Melfort, Sask., since the attacks, leaving their bloodied home behind. The James Smith Cree Nation housing department gave Burnsthe keys to hisnew place late last week.

Hewould have preferred to move to Saskatoon and start fresh there, but Burns said his three sons, aged 14, 11 and9, wanted to go back and be with their friends. The community is all they've ever known.

"I'vegot totry it for my boys, you know, be strong," he said. "It's about them. It's not about my needs."

On Sept. 4, 2022, a 32-year-old community member named Myles Sanderson committed a massacre with a knife, killing 11 people and wounding 17 others in the First Nation and the nearby town of Weldon.After the tragedy, Burns and his surviving family membersspent months living in a hotel.

He was grateful they found a rental place in time for the holidays. They decorated the space and celebratedahome-cooked meal trying to create some feelings of normalcy,although Burns didn't have it in him to make pies this year.

"[Bonnie] used to love my pies and my heart just wasn't in it," he said. "We all cried Christmas morning."

As Burns moved into the new home, it was impossible not to think about Bonnie. He said hemissestheirconversations in the kitchen during the early morning hours the most.

"It's hard for me because, you know, me and Bonnie were here for so longand the memories, they still hurt."

At one point, Burns wanted to burn down the old home where his loved ones were killed. He doesn't want that anymore. Some of his relatives are living in it because they need a place to stay and Burns is glad to help them.

He said his wifeBonniewas committed to helping out others, often opening up her home for foster kids or people who needed a place to stay.

"She had a big heart. Mama bear," Burns said. "She was such a caring woman."

And he's content knowing the home will eventually be moved off the land.

"They're going to move it so we can put up a monument for Gloria, Bonnie and Jonesy[Gregory]."

Gloria Lydia Burns was a member of James Smith Cree Nation whodied outside the Burns's family home while trying to help Bonnie, who had called for help.

The trauma from the tragedy has beenfelt deeply by Burns, but he's especially worried forhis 14-year-old son who survived the stabbings.

He said his son is still showing signs of intensestress, fear and anxiety, and he hopes the move might help.

"He's not really talking to the therapist, so that kind of worries me a bit, in the back of my mind," Burns said. He said his therapist has recommended some exercises to try to use with the teen, but Burns is struggling to get through them.

"He used to open up to his mom. I was the discipline guy and she was the one that was caring, and now it's hard to be I try to do both roles at once, to be a mother and a father," he said.

Burns is trying his best to make sure his sons don't feel alone.

"I tell themI love themevery morning tell them good night, I love them."

As he tries to work through his grief,he said there are a few small moments he's looking forward to this summer. He'll be taking his sons around with him to horse races.

"They're excited about following me around this year racing, because they usually just stay home and go on the pow wow trail with their mom," he said.

Burns will take them to some pow wows this year in honour of their mom, and in their new home heplans to hang one of Bonnie's ribbon skirts alongsidephotos showing their most cherished memories.

Support is available for anyone affected. You can talk to a mental health professional viaWellness Together Canadaby calling 1-866-585-0445 or text WELLNESS to686868 for youth or741741 for adults. It is free and confidential.

The Hope for Wellness hotline offers immediate help toIndigenouspeople across Canada. Mental health counselling and crisis support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-855-242-3310 or by online chat atwww.hopeforwellness.ca.