Review: Burlesque

Every once in a while, a movie comes along that begs to be evaluated with different critical tools a piece of low art and high trash so astounding that the usual thumbs up or thumbs down simply won't suffice.

Burlesqueis a hot mess. But damn if I didn't succumb to every campy second of it.

Such is the case with Burlesque, the new musical concocted in some over-the-rainbow universe where Stanley Tucci gets sprayed by confetti guns, everything is doused in glitter and catty dancers spout lines like, "I will not be upstaged by some slut with mutant lungs!"

Make no mistake: Burlesque is a hot mess. But damn if I didn't succumb to every campy second of it.

Writer-director Steve Antin wastes no time in cribbing hokey plot points from every MGM musical since the days when Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland first decided to put on a show. At the outset, we see a sassy ingenue named Ali Rose (Christina Aguilera) ditching her job at an Iowa dive bar pausing only to grab money from the till and belt out Etta James's Something's Got a Hold On Me before boarding the Greyhound to L.A. in search of big dreams.

With a song in her heart, a picture of her deceased mama in her suitcase and a copy of Backstage in hand, Ali arrives at the Burlesque Lounge. She's promptly greeted by Alan Cumming (essentially reprising his emcee role from Cabaret), and spies the club's owner, Tess (Cher), who's in the midst of performing her own emcee-style number, Welcome to Burlesque. Ali is mesmerized and really, who isn't mesmerized by the sight of Cher slinking around on stage in a dazzling Bob Mackie-esque costume? It isn't long before the young upstart declares, "I want to be up there."

In true Nomi Malone fashion, Ali proves that she has gumption to burn. Though there are no openings at the Burlesque Lounge, she is soon tending bar, then shaking her sequined ta-tas in the chorus line onstage. Poring over burlesque how-to magazines (!) in her hotel at night, and twirling her way down the overcrowded L.A. sidewalks by day (!), Ali lies in wait for her big moment. When the music cuts out in the midst of a lip-synched number, the spunky performer unleashes her powerhouse voice, and a star is born.

But being a diva is never easy, and as any musical lover knows, there are obstacles to overcome. Ali has plenty to contend with in Burlesque, including a perpetually drunk, jealous rival named Nikki (a vampy Kristen Bell, who should play mean girls more often), and some duelling love interests. The first of these is stubbly bartender Jack (Cam Gigandet), a creature so bland and perfunctory, he should have just been called Mr. Abs. The other fella, a sleazy, soulless villain named Marcus (Eric Dane), poses a bigger threat, since he's aiming to buy Tess's beloved nightclub and turn it into a big shiny skyscraper. Burlesque's script trots out clichs faster than the dancers change corsets.

Thankfully, Antin never met a montage sequence he didn't like, and Burlesque moves along at a brisk pace, offering up glitzy musical numbers every time a love scene threatens to drag things into snooze territory. These set pieces vary in quality true to the style of other recent musicals like Nine (2009) and Chicago (2002), rapid-fire editing and an over-reliance on strobe lights disrupts the finger-snapping, chair-straddling Fosse gloss the movie was clearly aiming for. But on the occasions the camera settles down long enough to savour the dancers and their gorgeous, feather-and-pearl adorned costumes, Burlesque is good, old-fashioned fun Aguilera's flirty, winking rendition of A Guy What Takes His Time is a particular standout.

Like fellow singers-turned-thespians Britney Spears (Crossroads) and Mariah Carey (Glitter), Aguilera is less assured when it comes time to act, and she goes a little dead in the eyes every time she's required to register gravitas. But what she lacks in chops, she makes up for in attitude, which is why she's a surprisingly good foil for Cher, who all but steals the movie as the maternal figure Tess.

The one-time Oscar winner (Moonstruck) isn't stretching herself in this role, which requires her to dispense street-wise wisdom to her dancers or trade bitchy one-liners with her gay BFF Sean (Stanley Tucci). But while watching her give makeup lessons or deliver a howler like, "How many times have I held your head over the toilet bowl while you threw up everything but your memories?" or strut her stuff in the solo number You Haven't Seen the Last of Me, one thing is abundantly clear: Cher is still an endlessly entertaining star. She's a steely survivor who knew what she was doing when she signed on to participate in Burlesque.

Aguilera might be hoping to kickstart a movie career, but Cher clearly sees the film for the Showgirls-style camp it truly is. She makes Burlesque a hoot from start to finish, because, like most of us in the audience, she's aware this isn't much of a musical, but it's a strong contender for comedy of the year.

Burlesque opens Nov. 24.

Lee Ferguson writes about the arts for CBC News.